Thursday, February 25, 2010

Signs of Idiocy - Driving Edition

While crawling along in traffic this evening - it WAS raining, after all! - I realized that there are some things that people do on the road that doesn't just say they are bad drivers, but full on fucking retards.

This list is not at all exhaustive, feel free to add some in the comments.

  • It's drizzling, and you have your wipers on full speed. IN rare instances of heavy downpours, that fast setting is maybe necessary, but in most cases it looks ridiculously frantic and silly.
  • You have your high beams on... basically ever. I use my high beams like three times a year, when I'm on a dirt road in the woods or something. But on back roads, I guess I understand.... but why on the fucking highway? Or major roads? Or in fucking DAYLIGHT?! People always say that they "must not notice." How do you not notice? There's only ONE blue indicator on your dashboard, ONE, and it's the one that says "you're blinding everyone in front of you asshole." It takes a special kind of asshole to just not care about this.
  • You back up on the highway. So, you missed your exit, and realized it at the last possible moment. CRAP, you can't get over! And when you do, your exit is back there. You could spend seven minutes and go to the next exit and turn around, but FUCK THAT, pull into the breakdown lane during rush hour and throw her in reverse! It's only hundreds of lives at risk! My favorite is when a minivan is doing this, and you know it's full of kids. Just awesome.
  • You don't let people merge. Roads come together folks. The way driving works is we let people in. I understand you're stuck in traffic, but being an asshole isn't helping the situation.
  • You tailgate unnecessarily. Everyone tailgates once in a while, when someone is being a jackass or driving ridiculously slow. But I've had people tailgate me when I'm driving in the snow, or I'm in the slow lane of an open highway (a rarity, I admit). Have a clue, assholes, you're not doing anything but risking my life.
  • You stop at yield signs. Yield means you stop if something is coming. You YIELD to oncoming traffic. If there is no oncoming traffic, JUST FUCKING GO.
I really feel like this could go on for ages, so I'll hand it over to you now.


sarah said...

Can't stand driving behind a car that doesn't realize their blinker is still on. The worst part is that you know it's futile to try and signal them somehow -- they don't even notice it from INSIDE their car, even with the flashing light on the dashboard and the steady click-click-ing of the indicator!

SteveBrooklineMA said...

There is construction on the freeway, so they are merging one lane into the other. 99 out of 100 people manage to merge well before the last possible chance. But there is that one guy who doesn't even bother to try. He just zips up to the point where the lane ends, skipping dozens of people who managed to merge before that point, knowing that there is some chump who will let him in. I hate that guy.